hopes and dreams

hey yall,

good news! i still have 10 fingers and i still know how to write a blog (if i ever knew to begin with) even though i haven't done it since 2016. a lot has happens since i last spoke to you all. i've been to quimper, nantes, and rennes, i celebrated christmas with my host family, and new years with friends, and introduced my host family to the magic of penne chicken alfredo. while i have been enjoying the present i have also been looking to my future. when i return i will be a senior in high school which means college apps and big decisions. ever since i registered to take my SAT and ACTs in france i've been thinking more seriously about what i want to do and where i want to go in life. i've always known that i want to change the world for the better. right now im looking to go into international relations or human rights anything where i can effect change in my world and fight for what i believe in and since i've last spoken to you my desire to fight has grown stronger and stronger.

as with all things these past two months have had lots of good but also a little bit of bad. while i was spending time with friends and family in france, back home donald trump was elected president and subsequently inaugurated making him the 45th president of the United States. now i'll admit i was hurt. i felt betrayed. i felt unwelcome and afraid to be in my own home and in that fear i let my guard down. i allowed hate to slip into my heart. going to school after staying up all night to watch the election results was the hardest day of my exchange thus far. but i went. and i went the next day. i posted rants about how i didn't even want to look at someone who could say the name trump without gagging. i was more than hurt and i was more than angry. i didn't watch the inauguration just knowing it was happening was enough to get me down in the dumps. i was double sad. sad to see president obama go and president trump come. but as always the sun rose on another day and i witnessed people all over the world represent strength and resilience. my heart was filled by pictures of family and friends accepting nothing less but love for themselves and their country. i saw seas of pussy hats and signs more beautiful than any ocean. and i was proud. proud to be an american. proud to be a woman. proud to be black. proud to stand with immigrants, muslims, planned parenthood, lgbtq+ folk, and marginalized people around the globe. i was proud to stand with goodness and love. proud to be nasty.

watching what happened this weekend helped me come to a conclusion that i have been struggling to come to since november 8th. i have come to the conclusion that i can not and will not block every person in a red hat. i have decided to listen, and listen carefully, to what they have to say. because who are trump supporters if not people like me who allowed hate to slip into their hearts in a time of fear. fear of never getting their job back, fear of change, fear of being treated like black people have been treated for centuries (sorry im still a little petty i aint never said i was perfect im workin on it) but in all seriousness who am i to judge when for a weeks i allowed the same thing to happen to me.

president trump is not america's problem simply a manifestation of our problems. and as someone who truly believes in my country's power to be great i cannot ignore half of it's population. that's what got us here in the first place. hating, fearing , and blaming each other will only push us apart and we are truly stronger together ;)

i have hope for my future, and for my country and i know that makes me stronger so i will keep hoping and i will keep dreaming and i will keep fighting so that one day i can say that with my hopes and dreams, with my love and actions i helped make america great (again?)

that being said i'd like to leave you with two of my favorite quotes by two of my favorite dudes

"I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually." ~ james baldwin

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." ~ dr. martin luther king jr.

love ALL yall,

anj